sisterjulia
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the "sisterjulia" journal:[<< Previous 20 entries]
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04:12 pm
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I Feeeel Love
I've had such a life full of treats and adventure recently!! There is just so much to do in life!!! I could do with re assesing my priorities...I haven't vacummed in over a week (think I've got that one about right) but plan on getting to it soon...I'm not huge on dusting and polishing...do not do ironing except for super fun...(fixing fabric paint, flattening pictures, melting crayons) reasons...but I'm beginning to feel that perhaps I might miss something a little more serious if I don't pay some attention to more mundane bits of life soonish. Definitely have a nagging sensation that I'm not taking my grown-up responsibilities seriously enough!
Here's some of the stuff I've been doing the last week or so....
Making Anime costumes for the London Anime Expo (photos to follow)
Shamanic Journeying with Eva Weaver through her WildWing Centre
Hanging out with my cousin Tom and discovering Tom's Bar in Brighton (photo's to follow)
And seeing the amazing Blue Man Group live at the Brighton Centre....Like This!::::
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10:21 pm
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Anandi
I have to write how grateful I am! So much seems to be flowing together, gifts and opportunities, lessons and opening...I am reminded of two things:
One, the feeling of something big coming...I had that sensation recently for a week or two and now it opens and unfurls in front of me with such incredible blessings and timeliness. Quite an extraordinary and gentle sensation...part of which I think I have to thank someone in particular, which I will in a moment...
And Two, I suddenly had a super strong sensation and rememberance today of the word I chose at the beginning of this year...Astonishing. Things are going to be astonishing! Things are going to be astonishingly different at the end of this year.
Life has brought me several gifts in the last few weeks in the way of changing things and offering healing support and nurturing...one of the most beautiful ones recently has been the gift of Anandi.
I have Known Anandi for nearly fifteen years, (she taught yoga as warm up for the Ninjutsu classes I used to go to) and over the years I have received a couple of Reiki and Cranial Sacral Therapy sessions from her. I bump into Anandi regularly and a couple of weeks ago she offered me a CST session as she does sometimes, and as every fibre of my body was practically in tears of exhaustion at that moment, I very gratefully took her up on the offer.
Two weeks later, what can I say?...The entire process of surrendering to healing with this amazing woman has been a gift! From being listened to and witnessed with love, to being secreted away in her Sanctuary of a therapy room, to the gentleness with which her hands listened to the knots and imbalances in my body, It strikes me that everyone, especially every mum (sorry but I'm biased) should be blessed with an Anandi!
If the sessions of rest, relaxation and amazing easing and tender care of aching muscles was not enough, the emotional releases that letting go of those physical tensions have brought about in every day life have been astounding to me. I've stepped out of Anandi's Treatment room feeling like a ten year old, physically feeling healthy in a way I thought my age and having two children had taken me way past, and found that emotionally the changes have stayed with me all week: I'm regularly dreaming vividly for the first time since having our youngest nearly three years ago. I feel less driven, yet get more done, and am having AHA!! moments aplenty.
All I can say is Thank You Thank You Thank You!!! Life Is Gorgeous! And if you live anywhere near Brighton try looking up Anandi Devadasi!
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10:16 pm
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Gorgeous tailcastness
First up, before I leave it any longer I want to say "woo hoo" and Thank you to the tailcast cast and especially Milas as both 'It Is What It Is' and 'Just Pondering' were Featured Poems in the last ten days on tailcast.
This is this months tailspin, the gorgeous, and now available to buy and own in wonderful printed bookness, monthly magazine of selected tailcast member's work.
I think it's available in North America and the UK... and if you check out nothing else then ManDartin's poem You Are The Miracle features on page 25 made me cry twice! He has several stunning pieces on his tailcast page. My tailcast page is here.
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09:42 am
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There You Are!
And then I remembered!
As soon as
I lay where I wanted
It was there:
The grain of sand
Is God,
The All That Is
Existence itself.
So amazing
To see It in every grain
Every blade
Yet be blind to it
When I look at myself!
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03:18 pm
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Just Pondering
There are so many ways I have changed.
So many versions of me
They seem to be
Lives themselves.
Yet still the core of me remains
Colourful, uncomfortable and awkward,
Hopeful, loving and untoward.
Where is the wisdom in this?
Where is the continuing presence
With lessons learned?
How can I get it wrong again and again?
Or is it right?
Where is that grain of sand, that grain of me
So tiny
Yet so essential
As to be my mountain of Self;
The strength
To hold all this coherent?
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10:11 am
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Super Lucky!!
I'd never even heard of latte art, my coffee was so pretty!
Feeling Super Lucky to be living where I live today...the sun shone, the washing dried, time at the park (5 mins from my house), bumped into friends, received offers of healing time, met new people, drank jasmine tea, listened to the birds...the list goes on...Super Super Lucky.
There is something big happening, quietly, gently, something is shifting. I'm usually all gung-ho at this point, pushing and rushing at change, a bit like a kid at Christmas shouting "What is it? What is it?" but actually this time I don't even want to know...I want it to be so slow, so gradual as to be imperceptible...because If I don't know what it is I can't panic and muck it up. Change is coming, it's all good and I think I'll just allow it and enjoy my cups of coffee and occasional sunset walks in town.
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02:28 pm
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Two Months!!!!
Two months already? I am lost somewhere in all this life!! I just worked out that I started this picture two months ago...so much for one a week! Something big is coming up...no idea what yet, and impossible to imagine where to fit it, but I can feel it creeping up from inside me and edging in around me. I am feeling slightly un-nerved and gnaw-y. As ever there is only one thing to do, keep moving forward...slowly. So I'm off to move this picture foward too! I ask for clarity. I feel gratitude and Love for all reminders and illuminators. I ask to keep my heart open even if my mind tries to panic. I ask to remain in Love.
 This is where I work...(sometimes!) |
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03:05 pm
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For my Nan!
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09:12 pm
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Lead the Way!
Some people you just have to run to keep up with! These are the other pics from our friends house a couple of weeks back...
I was thinking I'd been non-internetty because I was in semi retreat, coming back to myself...turns out it's just a challenge to fit everything in! The last de-clutter finally had the impact I'd been hoping for, things tidy away easily, there is space for growth and I can find things as I need them (touching wood at this point) The space in the house seems to re-arrange easily for the days needs too which makes it feel bigger in some way...room to breathe.
Good job too! I'm nervous about our up-coming meeting with the EOTAS (educated other than at school) team and the less energy it takes to move between roles in the house, the more energy I have to concentrate on trying to remember all the things I have to do! Big dreams and brilliant ideas apparently take lots of time, attention and intention...I have heard about a guy teaching others the value of (and how to work) a four hour week!!?? I need to find this man! Not really sure that motherhood could be made that efficient but perhaps he has so much free time now he wouldn't mind coming and lending me a hand.
 Big Kiss! |
08:58 pm
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Julia
I've just had one of those moments that leave me grinning for hours...
Watching some film credits I noticed a Julia...I love that name, love my name, love seeing it unexpectedly, being reminded of myself, my existence and getting such a buzz out of it... I was just thinking to myself how much I loved my name when my constant critic began mercilessly ribbing me about being such a complete narcissist!
I'm usually reasonably quick to concur and internally bow my head in appropriate shame, but this morning a second thought was there to rescue me...actually I love loads of things that much.
That lead to one of those rare moments of fully realising and feeling how I love and accept myself as completely and excitedly as everything and everyone else I love.
I love moments like these.
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10:19 pm
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Hmmmmm
I am suddenly very aware that I am threatened. That I have been feeling under threat since moving back to the south of England, to it's high cost of living, rents four times those of where I was, house prices easily four times as high and salaries really not so. I felt threatened and uneasy, worried about providing for and protecting my family even before I found myself pregnant little more than a month after we moved here. This fear has manifest itself in a lot of growling on my part...a lot of barking and snapping and trying to keep everything in line and under control at home...it has also raised a lot of hopeful dreams in me about community, sharing, gifting, sustainability and an opening up of us as human beings. Those are my dreams, my wishful thinking...though I think I do it with quite a practical mind that sees these paths as logical helpful steps for us and those around us...I believe these doors are opening wide and full of amazing opportunities for growth and connection. Guess what!?...I'm de-cluttering! Lol!!! What is it in me that makes me respond to threat of lack with such a strong sensation of paring down? Mmmmm, Letting go I guess, needing space to allow change, having nothing left to be convinced I should be afraid of losing...what you are used to is just what you are used to. Huge Love
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09:58 am
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Flowers in the Garden
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10:08 am
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Floating
I open myself up to That bed of delight The comfort of knowing That all will be right; I see in this ocean All beauty, no form... Understand ultimately There can be no wrong.
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03:55 pm
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Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Pretty much how I'm feeling at the moment! Took me a few minutes to find a couple of pictures to show how I feel, and these are definitely them! The joyous exhilarating freedom you feel at the 'I'm almost flying' point in any leap...The surge of love and pride you have watching your partner play with your kids...the sunny peaceful warmth you feel when you get to enjoy an afternoon walk by yourself, just to breathe it all in.
I think the blue skies in these pictures must hold a lot of it too...and now I've typed that it reminds me of being 'told' by one of my gorgeous guides, to let my 'blue pour forwards' only in my hand written journal it came out looking like 'for words' and it was the day I learnt about communication being Communion In Action.
Today I finally got to listen all the way through to Jennifer McLean's'Healing with the Masters' talk with Sonia Choquette... Which I'm very sorry to say you may have missed the freebie access to by now...BUT!! the Healing With The Masters Series is just kicking off and all the time I've spent listening so far has left me feeling like these pink flowers basking in the sun and reaching for the sky!
The perfect antidote for all the gloom spreaders, nay sayers, and scare mongers that may be pulling at your ear and you may find just the seed, just the spark, to release you from something long overdue...I did.
Big Kiss
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10:33 am
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R.N.R.E.
There is some truth
Which was covered and dulled
Not quite denied
Not quite embraced
Didn't feel Loved.
Now it is Love
Singing in ecstatic veins
Jangling the sun
Dancing in Bright Rays
I am free as air
Clear as sight
Happily Lost in our Love.
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09:18 pm
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Big Kisses
Odd memories have been popping back into my mind...odd moments that re-frame things. In amongst all the family photos at my parent's house is one of me that I remember always being around as I was growing up, It's one I know well and have always liked, smiley, long hair, about eight years old maybe...Suddenly, during this visit, I could really see me in it. It seemed a bit odd. I'm wondering now whether it's more usual to connect with the self in a picture or not. The other thing I noticed about this picture was how happy I looked, not just smiling but happy in some completely confident, innocent way that really struck me...and the memories that have been popping up seem to be connected with that energy too. That, just me, happy, not-thinking everything through, do what I want to, central sense of self energy, which took the universe on without pre-conception or prejudice. Finding my way back to seeing my young self's adventures and mis-adventures through those eyes, rather than my more 'adult' ones, has been a gift. I hope I get the chance to integrate and explore further. It was a gorgeous, manic, hard-work with an oft over-tired toddler visit, in comfortable, peaceful, familiar surroundings, spending time with the women of my mother's family, (and my lovely born-again-almost-school-boy-yet-just-retired dad number 2) and it was lovely. Tiring (read exhausting to the point of wobbles) and completely refreshing at the same time...go figure! I've not read my mail, visited any blogs, checked in on The Goddess Circle or TAW, as yet, since my return a couple of hours ago though part of me is itching to do so I'm just seeing if I can ease that refreshed energy properly into my life here (but not the wobbly bit). Big Kiss
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10:54 pm
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Grrrr
I need a happy pic! (I'm working on a big sketchy one of this at the moment) It cheers me up! I lost my purse!!! With all my cards, and the weeks shopping money in it :( And I have a poorly eye.. so it's more .( Grrrr money! I was already having moments of feeling like a second class citizen...The money issues run deep, huh? I lost my purse just hours after having a (fairly heated) conversation over money and artwork prices with a friend, and I can physically feel all this awkward changy birthing energy over my issues. I get angry. Hmmmm I was going to type that I get angry when I don't have enough money for what I want... but that's just jealousy, I get angry when I don't have enough money for what I want, when others have, when I am left out. Yesterday's conversation was along the same line....I'm getting a lot of "don't undervalue your work"s said to me.......and I get angry, because I don't want to 'market' price my work because I am far far far from the only one who doesn't have that kind of money and I don't want to feel like I'm leaving people out on money grounds.... I'm more than happy to accept a chunk of bill paying life enhancing money as long as I'm not excluding those currently struggling... And I don't know how to make that fair. And I get very angry at people suggesting that those struggling need to prioritise, work harder, or resolve their abundance issues and sense of self worth...though I take on board that all of those pieces of advice would stand me in good stead, it feels, to my bones, un-loving. I'm currently considering taking on a space for studio and community activities...this will only happen with an exceedingly generous landlord, that I might add, I may actually know...and I feel that all this money, faith, love, gifting stuff is mixed up in there somewhere. And now I have come back to myself I feel calmer, I have dreamt on and off for years of running a space with as close as possible a gifting energy flow...Perhaps I'm being challenged to make it happen, rather than being challenged to change. We'll see Big Kiss
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11:10 pm
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Hee hee hee hee hee hee
My blogger page is really my workdesk so I have the page set up pretty wide at the moment (I have a big screen and I like the space) but if it gives you any major problems let me know The next step is to refresh and update my links/del.icio.us etc. Hmmm. Life seems choc-a-block with creative opportunity at the moment...I'm wondering how courageous I'm actually going to be. I gave myself an end of March dealine for some things...and that deadline is looming large right now...I'm having brave moments though, and my u-turns and self-sabotage seem to be coming in smaller and smaller doses so I have hope. I'm also going to step back in the TAW as I majorly lost focus after taking on Leonie's Lovely Goddess Course...I'm glad I took it on, but TAW has such a huge impact on my 'proffessional intentions' that I'm feeling need of digging deeper into it, and re-focusing my intentions. Huh! I wasn't expecting to write all that, evidently needed to get my head a bit straighter to match my lovely tidy, three columns that i just edited (!) (((♥)))
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05:32 pm
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Healing Pearl
This is my second play with acrylics, and my first go at working on canvas...it was really lovely to do, I finished it off with sparkly pen and irridescent pastel. This is my healing picture from week three on the Goddess Course...during the meditation I was given a massive Pearl and made to understand that it grew from a past wound that I had healed and held over time, creating a solid mass of healing light, a Pearl of Wisdom...the same way an iritating piece of grit becomes the pearl in an oyster. This is a much smaller picture than I'm used to doing, not even A4 size and i was surprised how much I enjoyed doing it...and I've two more small canvas pieces to play with so yay! ((((Big Squashy Valentine Hugs to You))))...we had a Family Valentine Tea with pink cakes, fruit bread, strawberries and heartshaped cookies (Yum!)
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11:20 pm
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Chilly Winter Warmers
Just some of our recent chilly days...brrrr
Big Kiss
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